My Response To Curvy Girl Guide's "Why I'm Not a Dirty Mom"

On Curvy Girl Guide the other day, K.C Wells wrote, "Why I'm Not a Dirty Mom." 

WELLLLL!!! 

Do I have to tell you that moms were offended.  And, rightfully so.  

I mean, COME ON Curvy Girl, what did you expect? If you ask me, Ms. K.C. "I’ll blow whatever extra cash I have at Ulta" Wells, came off as judgmental and condescending.  

But, "Dirty Moms" I'm sorry to tell you.....SOME of what she is saying is true.  But, like I tell my children, "It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it. 

Unfortunately, her voice is that of your mother telling you you're not doing a good enough job.  That you're lazy.  That you're not taking care of YOURSELF well enough so, how could you take care of anyone else.  I mean, really, what kind of example are you being to your children, you, dirty woman, you. You're home all day long and you can't take a shower? Put a little make-up on every now and then?  Heck, I took care of you kids.  I took a shower every day, and got dressed. I did everything you do and then some. How long does it actually take?  What?  You can't wake up and get dressed.  Aren't you embarrassed to be out in public in your pajamas.  You were raised better than that.  Do you NOT have an ounce of self respect?  And, how does your husband feel about all of this? I can't even imagine your sex life.  Your a disgrace and I don't know how you can live with yourself.  Get out of my face.  I can't even stand the sight of you standing there dirty and in your pajamas!!

So, there ya have it Curvy Girl.  I'm pretty sure that THIS is what these ladies heard.  K.C. is just another voice in the head of dirty moms everywhere saying the same thing that, trust me, they've already told themselves.  You did absolutely NOTHING for these women or their self esteem.  Oh, wait, you did. You shot them down a notch instead of lifting them up. Job well done!!

So, as a reformed "Dirty Mom" here is what I would have said.....

After having a child and going from working outside the home full time to working inside the home part time, I couldn't figure out how to do all this Suzie Homemaker shit. It was a totally new way of life than what I had been living and I found myself in some very unfamiliar territory.  I couldn't find my groove.  It was a huge and very difficult adjustment from the life I had before having children. I felt like a fish out of water, flopping around trying to find my way back to what I knew just so I could breath again. 

With the arrival of my bundle of joy, came days without taking a shower. Which meant days and days and days without getting dressed in anything but pajamas or sweats.  Actually, it was all the rave for a work at home mom.  Yea!!! Work from home in your PJ's!! Oh, it was great at first. Actually, it was pretty freakin' cool to be honest with ya. But, after a while I started to not like what I had become. 

BUT!!! But, I was a MOM!! I was taking care of a baby and, by golly, I don't even have a moment to go pee, never mind taking a freakin' shower.  I have a baby to take care of damn it and that's more important than a shower.  And, I'm going to get dressed why? Oh, so you want me to what, do more freakin' laundry?  Oh, and make-up? HUH, I'm not falling into that trap. 

Well, I'm here to tell ya......

Living a life of not showering on a regular basis, living a life of wearing pajamas more than I wore anything else did nothing positive for me.  It didn't make me feel good about myself or who I had become.  It didn't make me feel like I was the best mother, the best wife OR the best person I could be. 

Seriously ladies, if you're being honest with yourselves, like I had to be with myself, in no way, shape, or form does living like this make us feel like the best anything.  Actually, it does nothing but contribute to the negative feelings we have about ourselves. AND, I'm sorry, but all those things I told myself, all those things I said to justify why, to justify why I didn't shower on a regular basis and why I didn't dress in anything but pajamas most of the time....all that shit I told myself and everyone else....was nothing but EXCUSES.

You're lying to yourself and making excuses if you're telling yourself otherwise. Just like I did.

So, one day, I made a decision.  I made a decision to stop making excuses.  I made a decision to stop lying to myself.  I made a decision to stop playing a direct part in making myself feel less than the woman I knew I was.

I know that it takes 21 days to build a habit. I made a commitment to myself that for 30 days I was going to take a shower everyday and I was going to get dressed every morning.  I didn't have to get dressed to the nines but I did get dressed in something other than pajamas. I told myself that pajamas were only going to be worn to bed.  In the beginning, it wasn't easy and I'm not gonna lie I didn't always want to do it but I did, no matter what.  And, there were days that I came up with a million and one excuses why I couldn't but I did it anyway. 

Before I knew it, it wasn't difficult anymore.  There were no more excuses.  Showering and getting dressed every morning were just a part of my daily life as they once were before I had children.  And, you know what else?  I started to feel better about ME!! K.C. Wells was right about one thing, I gained a little pep in my step and felt a little more confident than I had when I wasn't showering.  I was ready to walk out the door at a moments notice, if I had to, without feeling embarrassed.  I didn't have to run and put a bra on, change my clothes, wash my face or armpits.  Nope.  I was ready for what life might throw at me.  And, the best of all, I never had to schedule sex.  And, my hubby didn't have to hold out for the days that I showered.  So, if you're saying that showering doesn't affect your life.....it does.

The way I had started incorporating a shower a day didn't work out for me, so I changed it.  I originally took a shower in the morning but taking a shower at night before I went to bed proved easier.  When I woke up in the morning, I would wash my face, brush my teeth, and do my hair.  Most days I donned comfy pants and a T-shirt or sweatshirt, especially if I didn't have any plans to run errands.  So, I'm not here saying get dressed up, give yourself a ton more laundry or anything.  I'm just saying be ready for life.

I still mainly wear something comfortable while I'm home.  But, I'm ready if the doorbell rings or if the school calls.  I'm not spending an hour shaving my legs and getting my self acceptable because the hubby wants to have sex.  I'm available for whatever and I don't have the stress associated with not showering. 

Not only did taking a measley ol' shower and getting dressed for the day give me all that but it was a catalyst for much more.  My kids benefited from it.  My husband benefited.  My house eventually became cleaner.  But most of all, I was better for it.  That one little action had a ripple affect to many more areas of my life.  And, if you don't believe me, well, I say prove me wrong.  Try it.  Make a commitment to yourself like I did.  Make a commitment to be ready for life with a shower and getting dressed every day for the next 30 days.

I promise you it will be worth it.